Santa in the Sticks
I got thinking the other day of how Santa would deliver presents if he were a redneck. This (mostly cursed) picture is what came from it. Hopefully it gives you a laugh!
As you can see, Santa chooses the classic red Jeep for winding through snowy back roads. The green of the camo and bright red safety vest mimic his North Pole get-up.
And is that Rudolph on the front? Don’t fear, everyone!
In an eco-friendly move, Santa replaces the Jeep’s engine with the magic of a one deerpower flying reindeer. Oddly, no one comments on the bright red headlight… ‘Tis the season, I suppose.
For more explanation, read on!
- Deer Mount Halter: In order to draw less attention, Santa retrofitted the halter to look like a taxidermist’s wall mount. Rudolph has commented that, while stylish, his mother freaked out the first time she saw it.
- Weight Assistance Harness: To circumvent the weight of the Jeep, Santa used the same magic he does for the flying sleigh. Rudolph has made note that the majority of the weight is from Santa, rivaled only by the presents.
- Floor Open Like the Flintstones: In ordered to make the most out of the powerful reindeer hooves, Santa opened the floor of the Jeep. Rudolph has since confided that he’s just flying all the time, so the open floor plan doesn’t really change a whole lot power-wise. It is more comfortable, though.
- Extra Space for Elf Friends: The extended backseat can fit the a lot of Elves, which is one of the reasons Santa picked it. Rudolph confessed that he wishes Santa would let him ride in the backseat every so often, instead of doing all the work.
- Endless Trunk for Presents: While the Jeep already had ample storage, the magic of Santa’s bag only made it even more so. Rudolph likewise mentioned that he wished there was a limit, if only because endless presents are endlessly heavy.
Merry Christmas, and as ole Santy would say, yee haw haw haw!
