Elves In Paradise: An ADRT Christmas Special

The Alternate Dimensional Response Team guards the town of Callsboro from invaders from other realms. There’s a novel about them, but this story happens before that. It includes the same characters, but should not be taken as canon in any way shape or form.

            “If you’ll just help with the tinsel, this would go faster,” Lillian said, holding out the remaining length to Daniel.

            “I really, really don’t think I should,” he said, holding up his hands. “I’m not good at decorating. By which I mean, I’m really, really bad.”

            Elliot nearly fell over as he tried to climb out from behind the tree. “Even I like decorating,” he said, adjusting his shirt and brushing off needles. “And I’m definitely no Bob Ross.”

            “But that is a happy little tree,” Lancelot said as he walked past, hands full of string lights, which was carefully unwinding as he hung it along the mantle.

            “Lancelot!” Lillian scolded, “I was going to put the tinsel there!”

            Lancelot shrugged. “I got there first,” he said.

            “I guess my work is done here,” Daniel said with a chipper nod and turn to walk away.

            “Not so fast,” Lillian said. “There’s still the Santa’s Workshop scene to put up.”

            Daniel sighed, but took the box unwillingly. “On the table?” he asked.

            “Thank you,” Lillian said, smiling brightly.

            Daniel put the box on the table, but as his hands reached for the first item, he heard Lillian give a small shout. The three others turned almost simultaneously as Lillian clutched her head. “I think there’s a portal opening,” she said.

            “Where?” Daniel asked.

            “I think right there,” Elliot said, pointing behind him. Daniel half-turned to see a glowing white circle behind him. He took a step back, reaching for his knife belt.

            “Where’s Byron again?” Lancelot asked, reaching for his sword, which was not at his waist. He looked across the room, his eyes narrowing at the blade hung by the door.

            “Visiting family,” Elliot said, stepping forward and studying the portal for any motion. “Lillian, anything else?”

            “No,” Lillian said, wincing. “I think that’s the only one.”

            Daniel noticed the form of a body materializing through the portal. “They’re coming through,” he said, backpedaling to stand with the rest of his companions.

            The first one fell through, dropping to their knees and panting something out in a strange language. He was dressed in forest green clothes, a tall, floppy hat pulled just behind pointed ears. “He’s an elf,” Elliot said, “But I can’t tell from where.”

            Three more elves appeared, all of them falling to the ground in the similar fashion. “What are they saying?” Lancelot asked, studying their strange pose.

            “They’re asking for deliverance,” Elliot said, cocking an ear to listen. “Deliverance from their overlord.” His face screwed into puzzlement. “I think they’re calling him the Crimson One?”

            “Can we just make them go back through?” Lillian grimaced. “My head hurts.”

            “I’ll see what I can do,” Elliot said. He spoke a few words in their language, and the first one raised his head. They exchanged a brief dialogue, then Elliot said, “He said they’ve been freed from the Crimson One, and have no desire to return to the land they came from.” He looked at the others. “From what he’s saying, it’s awful back there. To be away from the overlord must be like paradise for them.”

            “Well, they can’t stay here,” Lancelot said, drawing his sword. Daniel looked between him and the elves, lifting two of his knives out of their sheaths.

            “We can’t just kill them,” Elliot said. “We obviously need to go free the rest of the elves.”

            Daniel blinked rapidly. He agreed that they couldn’t just kill them, but he hadn’t expected Elliot to suggest using a portal.

            “I agree,” Lillian said, stepping up next to Daniel. She threw her hair over her shoulder, nodding confidently. “Let’s do it. Let’s save the elves.”

            Lancelot joined them, nodding. “Don’t worry, little ones,” he said to the elves, most of whom were still prostrate on the ground, “We will return your land to the way it once was.”

            Daniel followed as the others led the way through the portal, stepping out of the bright light and warmth of the Nest and into a blinding blizzard. He stumbled forward, holding his arm in front of his face. “I’m beginning to wonder about this idea,” he said, but there was no response.

            He tried to walk backward, but the portal was gone. His feet caught in a deep snowdrift, and he tumbled forward, face-first into the snow. As he lifted his face, he saw the shape of a building in the distance. Gritting his teeth against the cold, he pushed himself up and began to walk toward it. His hand shaking, he sheathed his knives and clutched his sides, trying to conserve his body heat.

            The building drew closer, and he could see it was a large warehouse, closed off against the wind, with a small door inset on the side. He fell on the door, squeezing it open with freezing hands. He tumbled inside, body shaking uncontrollably as he tried to push himself up.

            “Daniel?” someone asked. He felt hands lift him up, carrying him forward. “We thought you were gone.”

            Daniel blinked his eyes, clearing the water from them. He blinked faster as he saw the person who was helping him. “Elliot?” he asked. “Why are you wearing that outfit?”

            Elliot was dressed as the elves had been earlier, but in a maroon color. The hat was pulled over his ears, protecting them from the cold. “We all have to wear it,” Elliot said. “It’s what’s ordered by the Crimson One.”

            Daniel felt the warmth returning to his skin, brushing the snow off his shirt. “Where are we?” he asked.

            “You’re not going to believe me,” Elliot said, looking over Daniel’s shoulder and speaking in the strange language again.

            “Try me,” Daniel said.

            “We’re in the world Te’Clouse,” Elliot said, “In the northernmost kingdom.”

            Daniel felt an idea begin to blossom in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t place his finger on it. “That sounds familiar,” he said. “Did we fight something from there?”

            “Maybe,” Elliot said. “To be honest, the past few days have been a blur.”

            “You’ve been here days?” Daniel asked. “I just lost you in the blizzard a couple minutes ago.”

            Elliot cocked his head, studying Daniel’s pupils. “No,” he said, “You’ve been missing for three days. The blizzard’s been going non-stop since we got here.”

            Daniel took a step back, looking around in confusion. He realized he was surrounded by elves, all wearing the same uniform as Elliot. Beyond them, he could see machines at work, and realized there was a dull thrum behind every word that was spoken. “This is weird,” he said, spinning slowly. “I’m getting déjà vu.”

            “We need to disguise you,” Elliot said, holding out an extra pair of clothes. “The Crimson One can’t know that you’re here.” As Daniel took the clothes, Elliot gripped his shoulders. “You have to free us, Daniel. Lancelot and Lillian are captured, and it’s on you to save them. There’s a tunnel that’ll take you into the dungeons. Free Lancelot and Lillian, then bring the Crimson One down.” Elliot blew out a long breath. “Then come back and get me, please. I want to go home.”

            Before he knew it, Daniel was dressed in the same outfit and being ushered to a narrow tunnel. He looked back at Elliot who nodded at him, then motioned him forward. Daniel faced forward, and entered the darkness.

            Even in the half-light, he could make out shapes and movements. The tunnel wound its way under the ground, finally opening up into a large atrium. Further along, torches lit the wall, and he could see the openings of cells. Bars crossed the front, and he could hear shouts of pain from within.

            He reached for his knives, carefully pulling them out and stalking forward. As he reached the first cell, a deep voice echoed from the shadows behind him. “Not so fast, elf.”

            Daniel turned to look into a deep red light. He blinked, throwing up his knives in a defense. “I’m not scared of you, Crimson One,” he said.

            The voice behind the light laughed. “The Crimson One is my master. But believe me, you should fear him. I will teach you just why.”

            The light sprang forward, and Daniel dove out of the way, rolling to the side as the massive form of a satyr blew past. Except that it wasn’t like any satyr he had ever seen. Instead of gnarled goat horns, a large rack of antlers protruded from either side of the head. As the creature turned to face Daniel again, he saw the light emanated from where a nose should have been. Instead, there was just a glowing triangle of harsh red light.

            The same thought tried to spring into his mind, but Daniel ignored it. He couldn’t afford to be distracted. The satyr sprang forward again, and Daniel saw the massive broadsword in his hands. He threw up his knives, barely evading the heavy strike, then lunged forward, catching the creature in the side. “Yield!” he shouted, but the satyr didn’t seem to notice.

            As another blow rang down, Daniel felt time slow. He ducked under the swing, spinning behind the satyr and jumping on his back. He clung to the creature’s neck as it spun and bucked, trying to knock him off. Daniel forced his arms into a chokehold until the satyr collapsed, antlers cracking against the floor as he landed.

            Daniel rolled off, searching the satyr’s belt for keys. He was validated as he pulled free a heavy ring covered in skeleton keys. Without hesitating, he ran forward, calling for Lancelot and Lillian as he did so.

            “In here!” came Lillian’s voice. Her face appeared behind the bars, hands reaching through for him. “You came!” she said. “I knew you would.”

            “Where’s Lancelot?” Daniel asked, trying keys. He got lucky and pulled the door open. Before he had a chance to say anything, Lillian wrapped him into a hug and planted a deep kiss on his lips.

            Daniel fell backwards, pinwheeling his arms to stay up. “Whaaa….” he garbled.

            Lillian was beaming. “I just wanted to say thank you,” she said.

            Behind her, Lancelot emerged from the cell. “I’m here, too!” he said.

            “If you kiss me,” Daniel warned, grabbing his knife.

            Lancelot lifted his hands. “I won’t. I promise.”

            Daniel lifted a finger at him, then pointed it at Lillian. “What. Was. That.”

            “We don’t have time,” she said. “We need to get to the Crimson One. I know where his throne room is. We can finish him off once and for all.”

            Daniel found himself following behind the other two as they ran through the halls. An eerie ringing noise was bouncing off the walls, and Daniel forced himself to listen. “Are those bells?” he asked.

            “The bells ring,” Lancelot said forebodingly. “The Day is come.”

            “The Day?” Daniel asked, more confused. “What is the Day?”

            “All will be explained,” Lillian said. “Elliot is leading the uprising. He’s banking on us getting to the Crimson One while they occupy the guards.”

            “That antlered satyr thing that was guarding you?” Daniel asked.

            “Yes,” Lancelot said. “The Reigning Deer. They guard Saun with their life.”

            The thought was almost fully formed in Daniel’s brain, but something kept him from grabbing it. “This is too familiar. They don’t fly, do they?”

            “Don’t be ridiculous,” Lancelot said. “Flying Reign Deer?”

            “I know that from somewhere,” Daniel said.

            “We can’t wait for you to remember,” Lillian said. “We need to finish this, for Elliot. For the elves. For everyone.” She pointed ahead. “His room is just up ahead. We need to go help with the uprising. The Crimson One is yours.”

            She and Lancelot disappeared down a corner, and without questioning it, Daniel kept running. He burst through the heavy wooden door at the end of the hall, entering into a large hall. Windows ran along the side walls, letting light shine on the redwood throne and bare stone floor. A single man, massive in frame and wearing blood red robes, stood in front of the window.

            “Ah, Daniel,” he said, half-turning and showing a grizzled face and stark white beard. “I’m so glad you could join me.”

            “Crimson One,” Daniel said, lifting his knives, “I’ve come for you.”

            The man turned, and Daniel suddenly realized he was much larger than he had first expected. “You may have come for me,” the Crimson One growled, taking slow steps forward, “But you have instead come to me. There is no escaping now.”

            Daniel sprang forward, his knives seeming to act on their own accord. But with a quick swishing noise, something cut across his midsection, throwing him to the side. As he rolled to a stop, he found that the Crimson One was holding a long bullwhip. “You may have bested one of my Deer,” he said, cracking the whip, “But you are no match for Saun of Te’Clouse.”

            “Wait,” Daniel said, sitting up. The Crimson One studied him, but did as he requested. “Saun… Te’Clouse. You’re Saun Te’Clouse!”

            The Crimson One said nothing, but also did not move.

            “The Crimson One,” Daniel said, finally putting it all together. “Santa Clause, oppressor of the workshop elves. And Elliot, for some reason. A red-nosed Reign Deer, guarding prisoners, which doesn’t make sense, but whatever.” He scratched his head. “Am I in a coma? There’s no way this is happening.”

            “It is as real as it seems,” The Crimson One said.

            “Right,” Daniel said, pointing his knife at him. “But you’re not real. Santa Clause is not real.”

            “Well, that’s an awful way to find out,” The Crimson One said, then disappeared.

            Daniel pushed himself to his feet. He waited for a headache to form, signaling that he had actually hit his head and was in a coma. When none came, he sighed. “Well, I guess I’m going to heaven, then,” he said resignedly.

            The door burst open and his three companions ran in. “You did it!” Lillian said, excitedly.

            Lancelot grinned at him. “The elves are free! They’ll sing your name forever!”

            Elliot slapped him on the arm, smiling broadly. But instead of removing his hand, he began to rub it up and down. “Daniel,” he said, “Daniel, you have to wake up.”

            “Why?” Daniel said, looking at Lillian. “If this is a dream, maybe I want another kiss.”

            He blinked, and found himself staring into Elliot’s face, the afternoon light spilling in through the windows of the Nest.

            “Well,” Elliot said, an amused expression on his face, “I don’t think I want a kiss from you.”

            Daniel clapped his hands over his mouth, looking around. Lillian was nowhere to be seen, thankfully. He blinked his eyes a few more times. “I had the craziest dream,” he said. “And I think I killed Santa.”

            “Christmas in July?” Elliot asked. “I’ve heard of stranger things.” He helped Daniel up. “We need to get ready. A portal just opened up. Byron and Grayling are already on their way, they want the rest of us to follow ASAP.”

            “Sure, sure,” Daniel said, rubbing his temples. He raised an eyebrow. “There’s not a world called Te’Clouse, right?” he asked.

            “Te’Clouse?” Elliot asked. He flashed a mischievous grin. “Ho, ho, ho, Daniel. Ho, ho, ho.”

Merry Christmas from all the Alternate Dimensional Response Team!