From the Journal

Oh, yes, I should mention that. We are in pursuit of the

The Expedition of Stupendity: Day the Third!

Whoops. I guess I forgot about this journal. I’ll do better, I swear.

We have had a wild few days. Our ship was hit by a massive storm, and Mr. Guilderbrand and Mr. Bentham were able to rescue us by pulling us off course. The captain and crew where, of course, a little confused and put out, but! We are back on course, following the Elmwood.

Now, I must record this in case I forget. So, if you’re reading this, Oh, Future Theresa LeFesse, Grand Architect of the Outer Spherical Command Nodules and Supreme Commander of All She Surveys, I will remind you that we are attempting to find the pirate ship Elmwood, which is captained by a Captain Henrickson. What is shocking about this is that Henrickson used to be the first mate under T’s great-great grandfather, before the Elmwood was a pirate ship. This can only mean that T MUST return to take the ship!

T assures me that he does not want to become a pirate, nor a ship’s captain. I have asked him to put that in writing (I will have him write it underneath this entry and sign it to verify), but one never knows. So, if T has become our most feared and hated enemy, Oh Future Theresa, GAOUSCNSCASS, remember that you have PROOF that he promised otherwise.

Mr. Guilderbrand believes the pirates have been put under a curse, if they have lived this long. Mr. Bentham has mentioned the possibility of it being from the Fountain of Youth, but I doubt that it actually exists. After all, if there was a Fountain of Youth, regardless of whether the island it was on moved or not, someone would have (for sure) found it and used it.

I’m sure the logical conclusion is Botox, but I believe botox to be as magical as my alchemical studies, which is to say, not at all. I understand that T disagrees, but T is also an idiot sometimes, so there.

I must return to the bow, looking longingly for the ship that I shall come to hate and love with the same breath. Elmwood, I, Theresa LeFesse, am coming for you!

I do not want to become a pirate or Theresa LeFesse’s mortal enemy. 
I also don’t know why I’m writing this.
-Tebrick Abridd
Tebrick Abridd

The Grand Expedition: Day Four

I have decided that my title was too long, and therefore, I have shortened it for ease of access.

We have indeed had quite the trip! Mr. Bentham has clearly become our little group’s devoted leader. He is quick of thought, ability and humble, too. He thinks he’s funny, but he’s not.

Mr. Guilderbrand is like a rock. Solid, silent and possibly salty, but I haven’t the desire to lick him to see. It does make me wonder how he would respond, though… Maybe I can convince Suleiman to do it for me.

Sulieman has informed me that, without a tongue, he will not be able to perform this task. I will add that to the patch notes for an update.

Stef is quite funny. We get along very well, as he likes to talk as much as he likes to listen. And I don’t get bored listening to him. Perhaps he will become my best friend, but I have my sights set much higher.

I am referring to, of course, Izza. Out of everyone on this ship, she alone remains to crack. But I will get her to open up to me. And we will become best friends, or so help me, I will create an automaton to take her place and become best friends with it.

I just know that, once she realized what an amazing person I am, we’ll be able to have the MOST AMAZING hangouts EVER. If we combined our brainpower, I’m pretty sure we’d be able to take over the world. Not that I have that high on the list of priorities, but it is a possibility.

I am hoping that, reading this as an old lady, I’ll be able to look back on this hope and remember how it did come true. Then I’ll go back to ruling the galaxy.

ANYWAY – Mr. Guilderbrand is hopeful that we’ll find the Wandering Isle (where the Elmwood is heading, we believe) before long. We are moving incredibly fast, thanks to the brilliant mind of Izza (another reason we would be great friends!) and a little help on my end.

We did see the Elmwood yesterday, if only for a moment. It fired upon us with ancient cannonballs, but the newfangled Rain of Fire gun that Mr. Bentham brought scared it off quite easily. It’s old!

The Grand Expedition: Day Five

WE’RE FRIENDS!!!!

Okay, it is later (I am indicating that by the extra space), and I realize that I should clarify how this occurred. This morning, we were having breakfast, when Izza said she was impressed with how I helped make the ship go faster.

I take this to mean that she has realized that we are meant to be best friends, but is not ready to do so yet. Regardless, it is a step towards true and lasting friendship, and I will take it with both feet forward. Or however that works.

Offhand, she mentioned that she listened to Broadway musicals, which is beyond exciting! I also listen to Broadway! It’s like we’re the same person!

I think T needs me. Or maybe he’s scared that he’ll get replaced. But as best of a friend as T will always be, he will never understand the deep machination of the endless deep of space. Therefore, I must find someone who can. And that person is Izza.

The Grand Expedition: 6th Day

A MISTAKE HAS BEEN MADE!

When Izza told me that she listened to Broadway musicals, she DID NOT tell me that she only listens to the OLD and BORING ones. Sure, Phantom is classically known, but the only GOOD song from that one is the main theme. And the chandelier falling, of course.

But Les Miserables? Evita? Rent? OKLAHOMA!?

Okay, I will admit that there are SOME good songs in those, but where’s the depth and musicality of something like Dear Evan Hansen? Or the lyrical prowess of Hamilton? At the very least, you have to realize that the songs are better after you hit the 2000’s.

At the very least, we can agree on Wicked. I might not like all the songs, but at least it is, overall, a good play. Yes, I know that it, too, is after the 1900’s, but it seems to be old enough to turn Izza’s poor, disturbed head.

I’ll continue to introduce more recent works to her. One way or another, we’ll get her educated.

The Grand Expedition: Day 7

Izza is receptive to the songs I’ve been showing her. Or, at least, she’s stopped trying to escape when I have Suleiman play them. He thinks that we should give up and agree to disagree, but I’ve agreed to disagree with him.

Mr. Guilderbrand thinks we are close to the Wandering Isle, and should find it today or tomorrow. I am curious what we’ll find there. Maybe the fountain of youth does exist, and I can not only rule the world, but also be young and hale when I do so!

Or perhaps we will just find the bones of the pirates, and realize that they were just ghosts all along. If that’s the case, though, I do wonder why T’s great-great-great-great-grandfather didn’t come back… Maybe his business was finished, but not the others?

Though I don’t know what unfinished business a trader could have. Maybe he didn’t finish a shipment? Maybe he was lost in a shipwreck, and now wanders, looking for a dock to find shelter in.

Those cannonballs did seem pretty real, though.

Oh, well. We’ll figure it out when we get there!

The Grand Expedition: Day Eight

Land has been sighted! We are coming upon the Wandering Isle!

What shall we find? Who knows, but I will write it here when we return!

The Glorious Return: Day One

There is so much to tell you! However, I’m exhausted. And so, I will recount the Adventures at the Wandering Isle tomorrow!

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Author’s Note: Though the notebook that contained these entries was quite large, the remainder of the pages were blank, except for an odd doodle halfway through of an octopus creature wearing robotic armor.