Christmas Carols vs. Predictive Text and Thesaurus
Have you ever wondered how Christmas Carols would be if people were lazy and just used whatever prompt jumped on their phone when they were typing them out? Or what if they stole source and used enough synonyms to fool the copyright?
Well, I’ve done it, and ended up with this. If you continue reading, I only have one request: Sing them. It doesn’t have to be pretty, but try anyway. Trust me, it’s worth it.
Christmas Carols using Predictive Text
The first to the texting block is “Jingle Bells,” a classic favorite that, after using predictive text, runs about as smoothly as a sleigh ride over frozen ground would.
Jingle… Bells? (Predictive Text)
Dashing through the past
In a one horse open house
O’er the fields we have
Laughing all the way (Augh, they caught me)
Bells on bobtail are
Making spirits up
What fun it is to keep your eye
A sleighing song from church
Jingle bells bells on YouTube
Jingle jingle bell
Oh, well I’m sorry I don’t
In a one way stop for a new job (Hey!)
Jingle bells bells on YouTube
Jingle jingle bell
Oh, well I’m sorry I don’t
In a one way stop for a new job
Jingle Bells (Original Lyrics)
Dashing through the snow
On a one horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go,
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tail ring,
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight
Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Next, we have “O Holy Night,” which is supposed to remind us of the true meaning of the season, but now only confuses me and… makes me sleepy?
O Holy Thanks (apparently)
O Holy thanks
The stars are brightly colored
It is the night of the dear Savior’s and
Long lay the world in the church center and as
Till he appeared and the soul felt it’s okay
A thrill of hope, the weary soul has become
For yonder breaks a new and long day and a half
Fall asleep
Oh hear you got it out
Oh night love you
Oh night when you were here
Oh night night love
Oh night I was just…
(Start snoring)
O Holy Night (Original Lyrics)
O Holy Night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear’d and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh night divine
Christmas Carols Using a Thesaurus
In college, I once had someone copy and paste a discussion board I wrote, but just change some of the words (so it wouldn’t get flagged as plagarism? I don’t know). Anyway, in honor of that fine fellow in Evangelism 301, here’s two more Christmas carols that I’ve change just enough that I hopefully won’t get sued.
First, we have Hark the Herald Angels Sing, a classic carol that has received a formidable upgrade with the expertise of J. I. Rodale’s “The Synonym Finder”
Hark the Herald Angels Sing (Non-Plagiarized Synonym Version)
Hark! The herald angels serenade
“Glory to the new-born crowned head
Peace on earth and leniency tender
God and sinners put it all behind“
Joyful all ye commonwealths rise
Join the CONQUEST of outer space
With angelic host advertise
“Christ is delivered in Bethlehem”
Hark! The courier angels sing
“Kudos to the new-born king”
Hark the Herald Angels Sing (Original Lyrics Version)
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the new-born king
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled”
Joyful all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With angelic host proclaim
“Christ is born in Bethlehem”
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the new-born king”
And, of course, no Christmas carol list would be complete with the phenomena that has swept the nation. You love it, you hate it, you love to hate it – it’s Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You.
Now, imagine if you will, an English professor looking at this and requesting a bit more flair. A bit more pizazz, if you will. What might have Mariah come up with then?
All I Want for Christmas Is You (Fancy Word Edition)
I don’t desire a great quantity for Christmas
There is just one what’s-it’s-name I lack
I don’t fuss about the presents subordinate the Christmas tree
I just want you for my possession
More than you could ever fathom
Make my yearning come true
The totality I want for Christmas is you
All I Want for Christmas Is You (Original Lyrics Edition)
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
Very clever! Dad and I had a good laugh over the “Conquest of outer space.”
My personal favorite is “Kudos to the newborn king.” Glad you liked it!