A Time for Everything

The change in the seasons is very apparent. Those who have been calling for fall weather have finally gotten it, and are starting to complain about how chilly it is. Hypocritical, I know, but we all suffer from the same affliction when we experience change.

Tomorrow, I will be getting in my car and driving back to New York – cold, snowy New York. A far cry from here in central Virginia, where there are still a few red and brown leaves holding onto the trees, and it’s liquid water, not crystallized, that is falling from the sky.

It’s been a while since I wrote a post. Most of that is the lack of time on my end. Since my last post, school, and life, has swamped me. Every time that I think I have a moment to write, I find something else to do. And when I don’t have anything to do, I’m so exhausted that all I want to do is lay in my bed and watch something.

I’ve learned a lot, but I feel like my skills aren’t growing like they should be. Maybe I should practice them, instead of writing….

But that’s my point. There will always be excuses and problems with doing anything. There are three or four things that I could be doing right now. There’s laundry to fold. There’s a suitcase to fill.

There is a time and a season for everything. These seasons come and they go. Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters calls this continual change from one season of life to another ‘Rhythm.’ The seasons change, but they are always the same seasons. New holidays are celebrated, but they’re the same ones as enjoyed the year before. Change comes, but there is a sense of permanence and order with it.

Seasons can be good or they can be bad. My mom likes the quote, “This, too, will pass.” The pessimist looks at the good times and says, “This won’t last,” while the optimist looks at the bad times and says, “Neither will this.” Both are right, change will happen, but I think there’s an inherent flaw in focusing on that turning point.

What I mean is this. When you continually look to the future for things to be different, how are you going to be content where you are in the moment? It’s like the child who can’t wait to be a teenager. When they finally hit 13, they think, “Well, I’m technically a teenager, but I mean that I want to be able to drive.” When 16 comes, they long to be able to drive without anyone. When that finally happens, around 17 or 18, now they want to be 21, so they can really have fun. Legally, anyways.

The chain continues all throughout life. The enterprising young man wants a full-time job, but in his heart, is looking forward to retirement, when he can lay down his worries. He retires, and, as is common in these stories, has a long monologue to his grandson about how you need to make the most of where you are in the minute.

But the principle doesn’t just relate to always looking for life changes. Now, I’m going to go on a side-tangent, but hang in there.

There’s this requirement on us to work toward happiness – it’s even in our constitution. “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” But that should not mean that we ignore whatever season we are in at the moment. What I mean is this. Are you hurting because someone broke your trust? It’s okay to live in that moment and experience the despair. Are you crying because someone you love is no longer with you? Go ahead and feel that pain, and let your tears flow. There should be no requirement to have feel good all the time.

Now, there are two things that need to be included with this. First off, just because you’re living in those moments of pain, confusion, anger, or whatever – what we generally deem to be negative emotions – it doesn’t mean you need to be alone. In fact, one of the worst things you can do in those moments is close yourself off. When you isolate yourself, you isolate that emotion. It festers and grows, until it’s all that you can see. You don’t have to be with someone all the time, and you don’t have to open up to everyone, but it is imperative that you enter community and live it out with others, for the sake of your physical, mental and spiritual health.

Secondly, don’t stay there. As the seasons change, embrace it. It’s okay to feel pain, but there’s a difference between living in the moment and holding onto a moment. When you hold onto it, it’s similar to closing yourself off. That emotion becomes the most important thing in your life, and kills everything else.

When you live in the moment, and see the world through the realist mindset, where you accept that both good things and bad things will happen, you begin to realize that, even when things look like they’re going south, you can still find things to be thankful.

At this time, God has blessed me. There are things I’d could complain about, of course. I’d like to be scheduled for more work, and have more money – but at least I have a job now. Sure, most of the quadmates are leaving, including the guy who’s been one of my best friends for years – but I’ll get more space (maybe). But when I look at the whole picture, I see blessing after blessing. A family who loves and supports me, even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. Friends and mentors who are willing to confront me when I’m in the wrong. A girlfriend who I get to walk through this portion life with. (Yeah, that happened two weeks ago). A car that, after many long trials, is working well enough to (hopefully) get me to and from home one last time.

There is a time for everything. A time to mourn, and a time to celebrate. A time to work, and a time to rest. This coming week, there will be a day to give thanks. Look at your world through the lens of realism. Yes, there is pain, I am sure. But there is also blessing. It’s all right to cry on Thanksgiving – A lot of my family did last year. But we still gathered together and shared a meal. We still counted our blessings.

This year, don’t ignore the pain. But don’t be consumed by it, either.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!